Some Online Mario Kart (7) “WTF?!” Moments – For Your Pleasure (Part 1 of 2)

Don’t let the picture fool you. This isn’t about a simple Blue Shell, Lightning Bolt, or Bullet Bill crashing into you at the worst possible moment during an online race. That’s standard fare, after all. Everyone’s been down that road before. Oh, no – this is about those rare strings of events that take place both outside and within races which seem so…unfathomably improbable and unwaveringly impossible, and yet still happen anyway – to you. I know these things are possible because, well, let’s just say I’m speaking from experience. Don’t get me wrong, this is the stuff of comedy gold. Plenty of laughs were had post-race concerning the following, but the 3DS barely made it out alive as these scenarios actually played out. Mario Kart 7 is the focus, but surely some instances can be applied to all Mario Kart games. As Mario says, “Here we go!” (and remember, try to laugh the pain away).

Indecisiveness can lose races before they even begin; that’s no secret. Sometimes things go so horribly wrong, however, that you’d swear someone behind the scenes was pulling the strings just to make you feel like an ass. You want to pick a driver, but you just aren’t sure. It’s an online match, so the clock is ticking. You know you should have been prepared before even logging onto Nintendo WFC, but it’s too late- grin and bear it. Finally, a selection is made, but oh dear…now comes the kart frame and the tires. Don’t forget the glider. Suddenly, that incessant, ticking timer starts, making the whole affair seem like some twisted game show featuring a sadistic host. Surely, picking a driver couldn’t have taken that long. Things aren’t lookin’ too good. You scramble to pick the pieces you want, but you shuffle past the frame you’ve finally decided on (which you’ve passed by three times already like a twit), thinking all the while, “Where the hell is it?! Stupid game!” Knowing full well that you, and you alone, have committed a fatal error, you try desperately to fix the blunder by speedily picking the rest of your kart – and time runs out. Behold your random set of wheels and a glider which compliment your driver and frame about as much as the Star Rod would Samus Aran in the cold depths of Zebes.

But, hey, at least you get to pick your course, right? Wrong. As punishment for being that one person who made everyone wait through your entire warning countdown, you’re forced to pick “Random” for the roulette. Luckily, you don’t see your least favorite track among the others’ selections (the one track you can’t win on, can’t stand, and would happily set ablaze if at all possible). The only chance of getting it is the one “Random” on the board – your “Random.”  You think, “what are the odds?” as the selector slowly comes to a stop…on your “Random” and illuminates your one and only demise. You suffer through the race, lose because of the aforementioned fail-fest, and are forced to leave the full-group from heaven that didn’t select a single Maka Wuhu. “WTF?!”

There’s more to come in tomorrow’s entry chronicling in-race “WTF?!” moments. I hope the above gave a few of you a chuckle or at least reawakened long-dormant Mario Kart rage (which would, in turn, give me a good chuckle). Don’t wait for tomorrow, though – let’s hear some of your own personal “WTF?!” Online (or offline) Mario Kart stories. The more outlandish and random, the better. No need to embellish, as Mario Kart needs no embellishing. Have some fun with it, and let’s all have a good laugh!

9 Responses to Some Online Mario Kart (7) “WTF?!” Moments – For Your Pleasure (Part 1 of 2)

  1. Richard says:

    Ah, the joy of a full online group where no one ever picks Maka Wuhu! Mario Kart, indeed, sometimes feels like a Murphy’s Law scenario generator.

    My biggest “What the…” moment? Anytime I actually win an online race.

  2. Holly says:

    For the most part, I feel like MK 7 is pretty fair, but once in a while…a barrage of deadly items one after the other: start with a blue shell, throw in a red shell or two, maybe even a green that you can’t avoid anyway because you’re stuck in the same spot, and end with a nice touch of lightning. All you can do is watch the whole thing unfold in utter disbelief, your thumb still fruitlessly holding the A button down. Ugh. Laugh it off, just laugh it off.

  3. Job says:

    We tend to avoid any form of cursing here at infendo. Although you didn’t spell out the word, I was really shocked when I saw the title. Could you please stay away from that? The clean atmosphere of infendo makes it unique and that’s why I love coming here.

  4. Ramzi says:

    Here’s a WTF moment…

    WTF is this post doing on Infendo? I’m here to hear about Nintendo, not about your experiences with Nintendo. I want your opinion on current events, not your retelling of past events. Everyone that frequents this site understands this feeling already, so what good are you doing putting it into writing? Do you want the audience to empathize with you? If so, then you are using Infendo for your own self-fulfillment and you are not benefiting the audience. Stop masturbating your nostalgia in front of us.

  5. Richard says:

    Ramzi, most Infendo readers enjoy a variety of posts, including recollections and looks at the company’s history. Most Infendo readers also have far better manners and behave in a more mature fashion than you.

  6. Hitokiri_Ace says:

    I love the variety. Also, I agree about the swearing and poor mannerisms. I love this site because of the maturity of the participants, and I feel anything less would drag it down.

    Also, I would classify Ramzi’s comment as vulgar, so I’m wondering how long ’till it’s deleted.

    Anyway! Lately I’ve ben trying to get 3-stars on all the solo races. lol Some things, I can’t help but laugh off. DK’s in first by a smidgen, blue shell coming up! Oh happy day! Then get this, he uses a star? :/ What?… I’m pretty sure, that’s… cheating or something.. lol Then of course the blast encompasses me, but sadly, I don’t have a star. 🙁 I’ve still got a few mmore 150cc races to 3-star, and then mirror has quite a bit left.. One day MK7, one day. 🙂

  7. Hyawatta says:

    Watch Where You Point That Thing!

    My brother and I were racing in local team multiplayer. I was in first, but he was lagging behind (not in second). I had a green shell that I was using as a shield, and as I was about to pass the finish line, I sent my shell out behind me. I usually tend to do that in single player, and I was quite far away from my brother, or so I thought. He had managed to catch up, but he somehow got hit by my shell which totally lost him his chance at second place. I think he came in at around 6th place. I felt so bad. I think we had more fun playing the co-op balloon battles!

  8. IRO.man says:

    Chill out Job, I don’t see any cursing anywhere here? at least not yet…anyway WTF is not a bad word according to modern family

    http://youtu.be/GDeqc8sTLpc

    Peace out!!

    PS haven’t play MK in a long while 🙁 damn xbox live…….

  9. Alex says:

    @Ramzi… If you’ll take a look at Infendo’s tagline, “Intelligent passion about all things Nintendo”, you’ll soon realize that ‘all things Nintendo’ can comprise of all kinds of posts. Just because you’re only here for news doesn’t mean everybody is, and there’s no reason you should be complaining. After all, it’s not hurting you at all.

    @ Job… Personally, I find it silly to be offended merely by words that people say. They don’t hurt anybody. I just feel that there are more elegant words that one can use in order to convey their thoughts. If someone chooses to use crude language, then in my mind they can go ahead and look like an idiot. This is why I love Infendo. They always have something intelligent to say, without resorting to swearing! The reality of this title, however, is that there are many people who will use this kind of language when something happens to them in Mario Kart, or any other game. Michael wasn’t trying to offend anyone, just trying to relate to the nature of these moments. I’ve heard people curse at moments like this at parties, and when I have friends over. It happens, and that’s all he’s trying to say.

    This doesn’t really relate to Mario Kart 7, but rather Mario Kart: Super Circuit. One of the mechanics that drove me nuts in that game was the fact that if another kart hit you towards the front, you would spin around in circles. One time, I was doing a 150cc Grand Prix, and the following events occurred in order: Slipped on a banana peel. Hit by a racer, makes me spin around. Hit by a green shell. Hit by a red shell. Hit by two more racers. Hit by an oncoming blue shell. Hit by another racer. I fall into a pit. Needless to say, I went from 1st place to 8th place in that race. The beauty of Mario Kart’s insanity can also be its downfall, as I have learned!

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