PlayStation CEO trolls for headlines by calling 3DS “babysitting tool”, probably needs his diaper changed

What do you do in the dog-eat-dog business world when the competition has left your mangled corpse in the dust in terms of sales figures? Inform the press that your rivals are a bunch of poopoo buttfaces , clap the dirt off your hands and pat yourself on the back for a job well done, of course. Total self-delusion is doing wonders for Charlie Sheen — when your career takes a huge nosedive, just fly in the face of all logic and reason, adamantly repeat that you’re still “Winning, DUH!” and they’ll believe you. Why not Sony too?

I hesitate to dignify Jack Tretton’s schoolyard taunting with a response, but I’ve also never been one to pass on an opportunity to invite friends and countrymen to join me as I stand agape in awe as the biggest loser struts around like the king of town. The PlayStation CEO had these violent torpedoes of truth to offer CNN Fortune:

“I mean, you’ve gotta be kidding me. Why would I buy a gaming system without a hard drive in it? How does this thing scale? Motion gaming is cute, but if I can only wave my arms six inches, how does this really feel like I’m doing true accurate motion gaming?

“Our view of the ‘Game Boy experience’ is that it’s a great babysitting tool, something young kids do on airplanes, but no self-respecting twenty-something is going to be sitting on an airplane with one of those. He’s too old for that.”

Pretty big talk for the CEO of last place. CNN rightly points out that “Sony lost as much as $307 for every console model, and in fact, the Playstation 3 business was in the red until the company’s fiscal fourth quarter of last year”, which Tretton spins as the PS3 finally hitting its stride. The author also notes that “Nintendo’s DS devices have sold more than 146 million units worldwide, while the PSP currently tops out at 67 million.” Even Charlie Sheen would have to admit that the scoreboard doesn’t lie, bro.

Granted, he’s the head of Sony’s PlayStation department and it’s his job to portray Sony’s mediocre performance in both the handheld and console markets as some kind of master strategy, waiting to unveil the true staying power of their products. But anyone that’s not a fanboy can see it amounts to little more than “Oh yeah? Your mom. BOOM!”

If you’ll excuse me, this self-respecting 20-something has to get back to playing DS games in public. U JELLY?

19 Responses to PlayStation CEO trolls for headlines by calling 3DS “babysitting tool”, probably needs his diaper changed

  1. gamecollector44 says:

    I heard about this 2 days ago, just sayin. And this was the most awesome thing I’ve read all stinking day. xD

  2. Bbelt says:

    Thank you for explaining the “U Jelly” meme. The actual meaning was much better than what I thought was being suggested in that picture.

  3. Mohan says:

    Guess he is mad that Dragon Quest IX didn’t come on the PSP.

  4. John from Leicester, United Kingdom says:

    I’ll be playing Gamboy when I’m 60! I’ll be Buried with my gameboy. My psp is literally carrying its own weight in dust on my shelf. Stooooopid Sony ¬_¬

  5. Drahken says:

    Really? It’s own weight? That doesn’t seem possible. That thing is BIIIG. Like, not real pocket portable big. Like, Game Gear big. That would have to be A LOT of dust.

  6. Drahken says:

    (just in case it wasn’t clear, I get the joke. I’m just taking a dig at the psp’s size)

  7. Jon says:

    “(…)but no self-respecting twenty-something is going to be sitting on an airplane with one of those”, if that was true he wouldn’t have to actually say it. Now, it almost seems like he is desperately trying to MAKE it that way, knowing that in fact a lot of twenty-something people are playing the N/3/DS/i and probably will hear / read just this. He wants us to have second thoughts.

    I think the 3DS is awesome! I practically bring it with me every time I go out (wouldn’t wanna miss a possible StreetPass, right?) and when I’m on a bus or a train, I wouldn’t hesitate trying to another star on Pilot Wings before I have to get off.

    When the twenty-something PSP players sit on an airplane playing their games, the 3DS allows me to be the 24 years old pilot of the plane. In 3D. And that is just unarguably cool!

  8. BlueRocks says:

    43 years old and I used my DS on my trip (including flight) to Mexico.
    And at the pharmacy while waiting for my daughter’s prescription to be filled.
    On the bus to and from work (I drive now, so not so much anymore.)
    At the chipstand waiting for my arterie clogging lunch.
    At the movie theatre waiting for the movie to start.
    Those are all the public places I can think of. There must be more.

  9. Verius says:

    Sounds like Tretton got irradiated with some Charlie Sheen. This self respecting 20-something has a DS Lite, 2 DSi’s and a 3DS that I use pretty often to game. And not to mention my PSP is used to collect dust! 😛

  10. nin says:

    whenever i play my 3ds out in public, the first thing i get is “woah is that the 3ds can i see it? dude that is so awesome!” on the other hand if i were to degrade myself enough to buy a psp (or its soon-to-be-failed son the ngp) i’d probably get nothing more than a glance and that’s it. the 3ds is not for children, it’s for all

  11. matt says:

    i took mine out and i got 7 people yes i counted say wow is that the 3DS 2 people said it looks better than HD in terms of the crispness of the graphics 1 other guy said this is the best console ever when he saw the 3D be said WOW just like i did another guy said its a magic box imagine the games in 6 months i told him to look on youtube so the BUZZ is very positive around the 3DS

  12. matt says:

    NGP will fail because its a handheld that does near ps3 graphics just like 3DS but no 3D so what makes it worthwhile wanting to play current console quality games on the smaller screen its not HD its High Fidelity like 3DS but what seperates it from just jumping on ur ps3/360/wii ect besides u can take it anywhere with 3DS its 3D so u get depth in other words it brings even the most bland 3DS/3DSware games to life every cross plat game will have the edge on 3DS it also makes the screen way bigger when in 3D mode its like u have a screen thats 3inch long/2.2 inches down/2.2 inches back it makes the screen bigger than a 5 inch wide in my eyes

  13. Gregory Weagle says:

    Do we really have to dig up quotes from the past on Jack “The Dumb One” Tretton again? You would think that he would have learned something after the Vicious Sid debacle (“The Wii is a sucker”) and the infamous “Nintendogs is bought by 13 year olds looking like 35.”

    Yeah; Jack Tretton is now in insanity defense and he needs to be terminated from his contract from Sony NOW before Sony loses ANYMORE heat. And to think; Sony almost convinced me to buy their products after 3DS’s system troubles and battery life. Now I’m back to buying a 3DS again.

  14. HyperSonic says:

    @Gregory:

    I admit, I find it kind of funny and awesome that this press release is doing the exact opposite Sony wanted it to do, at least to one person.

    I go to look up quotes from this guy. This should be fun.

  15. CM30 says:

    It’s kind of funny that Sony is behind in regards to every single criticism he made about Nintendo, from making the console that’s sold least, to having the exact motion controller type he criticises, etc. How can anyone really take this guy seriously when the opposite of every single one of his points is true?

  16. Gregory Weagle says:

    Actually; the “Nintendogs is bought by 13 year olds pretending to be 35” comment was made by John Koller. I apologize for the mistake. Ironically; this makes Jack Tretton’s current comment even dumber than usual.

  17. Gregory Weagle says:

    @Hypersonic: Chris Kohler actually has a really good article on just some of those quotes from Jack Tretton: http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2011/04/jack-tretton/

    Tons of fun!

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