Goomba named “most pathetic” gaming enemy
Thursday, May 14th, 2009 at 11:07am by Boss Hog
The walking mushrooms from Super Mario Bros—otherwise known as goombas—are the sorriest enemy of all time. Or so says the June issue of Game Informer. “The only way goombas could possibly be easier is if they somehow stomped on themselves,” the gaming rag writes. “Displaying no initiative or intelligence, they trod along set patterns just begging to be squished.”
And yet, I still get killed by one after a mis-timed jump. Other enemies to make the list include Glass Joe, The 1990 New England Patriots, Slime from Dragon Quest, and grunts from Halo. The “stupid elf” from Golden Axe, Johnny Sasaki, generic RPG cellar rats, the “monster” from Braid, and Bot the Killer Goldfish rounded out the top 10.
Who would you name as the most pathetic video game enemy?
May 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Bits & Bots from Zelda 2!
May 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am
No way Joltman, those Bits and Bots have freakishly random trembling and hopping patterns and just love to knock you off a pit or into lava. Seriously, if you think about it, they behave quite interestingly for an 8-bit game.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
If those are all such “bad” enemies, could you possibly imagine what their respective games would be like without them?
1. The goomba was there mostly as an “environmental hazarad” anyway; I mean, it’s a mushroom.
2. The goomba was there to teach you about Mario’s only innate offensive ability: jump on stuff.
3. The goomba was there to teach you that touching bad guys is bad.
The Slimes and Grunts and Glass Joes of video games are there for a reason. They are there to give basic demonstrative instructions to the player and to, more often than not, boost the player’s confidence and moral by providing “easy success opportunities” in the game and quite often simply provide comic relief. In the end, they’re there to complete game, keep it polished and “full”.
Back to the topic at hand, though. If I had to name the most “pathetic video game enemy”, it’s gotta be that “Cactaur” cactus thing from Final Fantasy.
May 14th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Etrian Odyssey’s Treerat comes to mind: only monster you can kill from the getgo without having leveled up, and gives you half the experience points than the next level monster.
So pathetic, in fact, you will want to skip it if you find it after your party has reached level 5, even if it poses no danger at all…
May 14th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Long Live the Goomba!!!…. or until Mario squishes him
Although Kale has a point, these weaker enemies are put in place for a reason. Besides every army has the group that goes into battle first, and these are usually the weakest ones (in my opinion).
Anyway I do have to agree, Goombas are pretty damn pathetic. Even the purple mushroom that moves left and right and bounces off walls is stronger, one touch and you die, you can’t even crush it.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
What about Shy Guys from SMB 2 then?
Seriously, the most basic Shy Guy just walked back and forth, and you could hop on top of their head, and just let them walk you back and forth!
May 14th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
The first mini-boss from Gunstar Heroes.
Pathetic compared to the rest of the game (especially seven force).
May 14th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
“Who would you name as the most pathetic video game enemy?”
The editorial staff of Game Informer. I hate that rag. Not even worthy of reading on the throne!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Zombie, Castlevania
May 14th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Rocket Grunt, Galactic Grunt, Team Aqua Grunt, and Team Magma Grunt, from the PokeMon games. Seriously.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
They may be weak, but it wouldn’t be a Mario game without them. The moment you first see them in Mario Galaxy was as exciting and nostalgic as any the game had to offer, IMO.