Bowser’s personal life shrouded in mystery

Over the last 20 years, you’ve chopped bridges from beneath his feet and dropped him into semifluid molten lava. You’ve spun him around by the tail and tossed him face-first into heavy explosives.

And for the most part, Bowser has deserved all of it.

Reflecting on how poorly we’ve treated Mario’s long-time arch nemesis, however, I’m reminded of something I learned a decade ago from an absurdly good-looking man who regularly beat himself to a pulp.

You’re not your job. You’re not your car, and you’re not your friggin’ khakis.

Driven by questions decades in the making and Brad Pitt quotes, Infendo is looking beyond the menacing spikes to explore the real Bowser, what motivates his wickedness and what secrets he hides within the walls of his fortresses. We don’t have psychology degrees, but we did watch Fight Club last night. And that’s a pretty deep movie.

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25 Responses to Bowser’s personal life shrouded in mystery

  1. Mattiac says:

    🙁 I hate this poo with all the pages!!!!!! 🙁 I won’t even bother to read it! And we haven’t treated Bowser poorly!! I want a darker Mario game where you kill Bowser for good! I’m so tired of him (and Ganondorf in Zelda)!!

  2. Jon says:

    ” I want to scroll for HOURS and HOURS! SCROLL DOWN! I WANT TO SCROLL TO THE INFINITE! I HATE PAAAAAAAGES ”

    It’s you I’m refering to. It’s you.
    Grow up, we’ve entered a new era.
    We call it “User interface usability” or if you prefer “EASIER FOR YOU”

    Now, stop the poopy whining about change, you conservative freaks.

    Keep up the good work Infendo!

  3. Cephas says:

    It’s all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!

  4. Attilio says:

    @Jon
    Exactly!!

    To all of you whiners, please don’t waste comment space with your annoying “i don’t like the pages” comments. If you don’t like it, don’t comment on it. As a matter of fact, stop coming to Infendo all together so us real fans/readers can enjoy this site in peace.

    Now about this article which is what all of us should be really commenting about. It was GREAT! I love how everything is so perfectly analyzed, and the ending was pretty funny lol.

  5. srkelley says:

    Brilliant, I loved this article.

    I didn’t know this though:

    “One day, the kingdom of the peaceful Mushroom People was invaded by the Koopa, a tribe of turtles famous for their black magic. The quiet, peace-loving Mushroom People were turned into mere stones, bricks and even field horse-hair plants, and the Mushroom Kingdom fell into ruin.”

    That means all the blocks we’ve been busting are citizens? How is Mario a hero again? He’s killed countless citizens, and he robs them. He never gets them turned back to normal. Mario is just a lazy bum/thief that’s after some princess peach.

  6. Lite (on a crappy PC!!) says:

    No, no, you got it all wrong!

    I made Bowser a mechanical body! I mean, come on! We HAD to have some sort of sci-fi elements in this franchise, so instead of him using black magic, I taught him the powers of Photoshop and brain removal/transplant. It worked WONDERS!

  7. peshue says:

    @Jon
    Exactly!!

    To all of you whiners, please don’t waste comment space with your annoying “i don’t like the pages” comments. If you don’t like it, don’t comment on it. As a matter of fact, stop coming to Infendo all together so us real fans/readers can enjoy this site in peace.”

    Yeah I’d love it if my books only had 3 paragraphs on each page, that’d be wonderful! it’s not usability, and it’s poorly implemented anyways. In fact I am visiting this site less, quite a bit less, but I’m sure other people giving 6 hits on 1 article will cover my absence. The same kind of formula seems to work for gamedaily, so whatever.

  8. droop4 says:

    agree with mattiac about the pages… it’s so hard to browse through them on the iPod

    I disagree with the concept of darker mario:dead bowser. you have to remember this games (especially the console versions) never state that they were direct sequels. In other words, they don’t reflect what happened in a previous game; like it never happened.

  9. droop4 says:

    @ Jon
    if you don’t like uscomplaining then just don’t comment… in fact just stop coming to indendo…
    see, that mentality can work both ways.

    And open your eyes you crazy fanatican. User easiness and estability???You gotta be blinder than the Germans when Hitler came around.

    It’s all a method to increase hits. EVEN ONE OF THE INFENDo STAFF GUYS SAID IT IN A POST.

  10. Drahken says:

    What I can’t understand is why any of you feel THAT strongly about pages vs not to comment about it. It’s really not any big friggin deal one way or the other. Why are you making it one? Also: the koopalings. They WERE seen again. They were in Mario World.

  11. CrystalNebula says:

    I think Bowzer just wants to be loved.

  12. Attilio says:

    @droop4
    “if you don’t like uscomplaining then just don’t comment… in fact just stop coming to indendo…
    see, that mentality can work both ways.”

    Uhhhh actually not it doesn’t work both ways. See if someone complains about something that means they do not like it. Therefore why should you keep coming back to something you do not like? People like myself and Jon like Infendo even with the new page system, so it would not make any sense for us to stop coming to Nintendo. Finally it is not to increase hits to the site itself, its to increase the amount of ads that are shown, therefore increasing profit, which there is nothing wrong with. Nice try though.

    @Drahken
    I agree, especially since Infendo said “If our ad-sponsored content and intelligent community are no longer worth the tolerance required to view the occasional multi-page story, I’m sorry to see you go.” In other words DON’T COMPLAIN! All that the complaints are doing is annoying other users and wasting comment space.

  13. Jon says:

    You didn’t mention Bowser Jr. And personally, I don’t mind the pages. Less scrolling is good.

  14. srkelley says:

    Mario KILLED them all ion Mario World. I enjoyed every death.

  15. Mattiac says:

    🙁 We must be allowed to complain! We like this site but want to give our feedback to change the things that we don’t like. Is this Russia where you aren’t allowed to complain?! You always take the chance of annoying someone with your comment even if you’re not complaining! Wasting comment space? Like we’re gonna run out of space?! Not likely! I come here to check if there’s something that GoNintendo has missed, and videogames aren’t important enough for me to browse several unnecessarily short pages. I hate IGN because of their lousy site design that is totally crowded (and because of Matt C).

  16. Attilio says:

    @Mattiac
    If you want to complain then send an email to Infendo, but I don’t think readers want to see people complain about the page system every time Infendo makes another article with pages. You are allowed to your opinion, I have no problem with that, but I have a problem with seeing comments that have nothing to do with the current article.

    Now if you want to come to Infendo to see what their articles are then fine, I can’t stop you and I really have no desire to even try. If you don’t want to browse through the pages of an article, then by all means don’t browse through the pages, but don’t post pointless and useless comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand! If you want to make a comment then make a constructive comment about the topic. Readers don’t want to skim through useless posts that are about completely different topics.

    If you want to complain about the pages then post them here, where they belong. http://www.infendo.com/business/a-note-on-multi-page-infendo-articles/

  17. JaXs says:

    Just want to let you guys know, I refuse to contribute to this Multi-Page poo poo. Not only are you not getting the faked hits, you are losing readers. Congratulations.

  18. V for ..... says:

    Multi-page = poo poo. Exactly. Think I should prob just delete the bookmark and instead choose a more user-friendly site.

  19. Attilio says:

    @JaXs and V for …..
    Why post about your intentions? Just do it.

  20. Blake says:

    Derek: That was quite possibly the funniest story ever to appear on Infendo. I lol’d quite hard at the following:

    “When reached for comment, Bowser only roared and breathed fire, burning our microphone beyond repair. And then he laughed. What a jerk.”

    “Our inquiries into his financial history have been returned with only “bwahaha!” scribbled in Sharpie.”

    And of course, you get brownie points for using the word “magma,” probably the coolest word in the English language.

  21. Mattiac says:

    @Attilio: I see your point about it being off topic. Thanks for the link, I’ll complain there instead.

  22. Kuefler says:

    I agree with Mattiac, these pages are really stupid.

  23. Pyriel says:

    So everytime Mario smashes a brick he is in fact killing one of the Mushroom people…how sad.

  24. […] This feature was originally published May 16, 2009 on Infendo. […]

  25. […] This feature was originally published on Infendo. […]

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