Which Nintendo character has the best Bingo strategy?

Have we ever seen Mario and company play bingo before? (Upon further research, yes –

Mario Party 10 had Bowser’s Bogus Bingo, further proving that Bowser is a cheating bastard)

Cheap minigames aside, the crazy character crew of the Mario franchise all have unique talents and abilities…but what if they finally grow old and stop fighting and racing and having parties? What’s left for Mario to make a game out of? Enter: Mario Bingo Blitz!

You may think that I’m spouting nonsense, and maybe I am. But humor me – much like how each character has personality traits and special moves in every other game, they’d have some bonus skills here as well. You gotta get lucky to win at bingo, right? Not with these guys:

Mario: Mario would be the first one in the bingo room, after going through 8 different facilities trying to find it. After being told that fireballs are a hazard to everyone’s health, Mario now spends his time shooting bingo balls from his hands.

Peach: As Peach is now crowned the “Queen of the Bingo Hall,” she sits in her royal folding chair and sits in the back, pulling turnip-shaped bingo balls out of the ground. It’s a great way to win, except when she pulls out the occasional Bob-omb and blows up her bingo card. Better luck next time!

Yoshi: Yoshi is one of the best characters in the game, eating balls that didn’t have his numbers and replacing them with eggs that do.

Wario: Greedy Wario thought about buying stacks of cards to play at once so he couldn’t possibly lose, but he refuses to spend money to earn it. Instead, using his wafty flatulence, Wario empties the room – leaving all the cards for himself!

Toad: Toad has it made, because there are hundreds of them running around. Chances are, one of them is going to win. Captain Toad always seems to have the best luck, but unfortunately he can’t jump up to let people know he won. Tough luck!

Luigi: The shadow of his brother, Luigi doesn’t play much differently. His luck is slightly better, however. Especially now that he’s not being haunted by…

Boo: Boo plays online bingo just to make sure nobody sees him or his card. Online, the bashful Boo is known as the “King of the Straight-line.”

Daisy: Daisy just yells “HI I’M DAISY!” over and over until everyone else leaves.

Donkey Kong: Because Nintendo still refuses to let players pick Donkey Kong as a playable character in the party game franchise, DK is left to be the Caller of the Bingo games. If you give him some bananas, I hear you’ll find yourself getting a much better reward…

Waluigi: Nobody ever invites Waluigi to play because he creeps everyone out. Waa!

Bowser: After losing custody of his 7 Koopalings, and being abandoned by Bowser Junior, Bowser just wants to relax and enjoy his retirement…or so you think, until he takes all your Bingo chips and balls and runs away. But hey, at least it’s not Bowser’s Chance Time.

If you got to play Bingo with the Mario crew, who would you least want to play against? Leave some feedback in the comments!

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